Leighton Meester in a bikini

Here's Gossip Girl star Leighton Meester at a Los Angeles beach, and I'd like to personally thank the paparazzo responsible for these photos. Kudos to you, sir. Your keen skills deftly adapted to Leighton's retarded boob curtain by going straight for a plethora of butt shots. Otherwise, this shoot would've rapidly become, dare I say, Lauren Conrad-esque? Then may God have mercy on us all....

Jessica Simpson should never do this again

Here's Jessica Simpson performing in San Antonio last night, and who the hell is her choreographer? There's no nudity, so it can't be Joe Simpson. But whoever it is, the only stage direction they seem to be giving is "Make sure you look 10-15 pounds heavier, and if you could flash a little gut, icing on the cake." Then again, that conversation could turn ugly once it's revealed the cake is